MY DEEPEST THOTS

I never thought that someday I would write  about grief ,well I have lost some precious souls and I wish there is something I could do to bring them back close to me once again but I find out I am helpless in this situation ,olufunke my friend cant come back and my amazing father Olumide too is gone and there is nothing I can do about it ,no matter how much I feel like I can handle the hurts in my heart ,sometimes I just want to break down ,sometimes am angry, but no matter how angry I get it wont bring my loving souls back, nothing I do or say will bring them back.

Sometimes in the past I told God I could not handle the death of any of my parents, I begged God to keep them for me ,till their old age, but I get the opposite ,my dad is gone ,the man I look like, the man I talk like, the man I laugh and smile like is gone and am helpless about it, there is nothing I can do about it, Olumide Michael Olaleye ,this amazing man, sacrificial father is gone, the man who gave so much and instead got nothing in return at least not on this earth.

I have so many questions I want to ask God but who am I to ask the unquestionable God (Aseyitowu- the God that does as it pleases) this questions, who am I to ask this sovereign God that why would He test me with the exact thing I begged him not to test me with? Truly we are nothing but pencils in the hand of the creator because I knew it was going to break me, I knew I wasn’t strong enough, am not sure how people handle grief because sometimes my heart will physically hurt and it will seem like I can’t go on.